I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
