Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Randomize
