It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
