my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
