he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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