but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
