I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
