3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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