Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
is that a dick in a sweater?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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