oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
