I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
