Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
