Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
