i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
