i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You took a bar mat shot.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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