Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
