I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
