I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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