I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
