And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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