I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
