i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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