So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
