You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
