i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
