i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
