You smell like a Billy Joel song
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
