I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
