You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize