i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
