just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
