Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
