Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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