I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
