OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
false alarm. still invincible.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
