the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
