We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
