So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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