I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
