JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
