we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
