So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
