I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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