The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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