Cold hands, warm shart.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
