I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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