yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
