as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
