her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
