Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
