there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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