We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
bring money and cleavage
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
