btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
