i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
vagina is talking i cant
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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