dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The uberlube is also flammable
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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