If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
