Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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