Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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