I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
