he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
