oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Randomize
