I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize