I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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