I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
