she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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