He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
