Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
