i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize