Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
