I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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